Hiding My Heart
by TorresCx3
Summary: AU: "But sometimes another person can come along and suddenly you're not as broken. It's like a jigsaw, their bumps and dents fit yours. They make you feel whole – fixed."


**Disclaimer:** The characters are not mine, they were created by Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy is the property of ABC. No infringement intended.

**AN**: There will no doubt be mistakes, all mine - No Beta.

**Hiding My Heart**

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It was the soft swish of the door across the carpet that first stirred her senses. Then her mind registered a slight coolness at her back. She shifted in her sleep, burrowing her face sleepily into the soft pillow and inhaling the sweet scent that had been left behind. She smiled and her hand flexed subconsciously, expecting to find a warm body lying next to her, but it took her less than a heartbeat to notice the empty space. She stared sadly into the cold spot on the double bed, letting out a sigh as she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.

The truth was that after years of marriage, Addison Forbes Montgomery, had lost the ability to sleep alone. She missed the comfort and closeness that came from being able to curl into someone else's arms at the end of a long day.

Before, she wouldn't - _couldn't_ - sleep properly until she heard her husband's key in the lock, heard him pad softly into their bedroom, felt him slip beneath the covers and felt his arms slide around her waist, after his lips pressed a soft kiss to the back of her head.

She was used to waking up in the morning with his arm draped over her hips and his chest pressed to her back, and she would lie still and quiet on such occasions, soothed by the gentle whisper of his breath in the shell of her ear as he slept.

For eleven years, that was her life.

It was all she knew.

Sitting up, she noticed a faint light under the half-open bedroom door, obviously seeping in from another room off the landing. She swung her legs out of the bed and grabbed her silk dressing gown, wrapping it around her to cover her naked body.

Padding along the landing, she found the bathroom door ajar. Callie's back was visible, hunched over the sink, where she was evidently splashing water onto her face.

The sound of the trickling tap covered her footsteps and Callie jumped slightly when she felt Addison's hands slip around her waist from behind, placing a kiss between her shoulder blades.

Callie shut off the tap, interlacing her cool, clammy fingers through Addison's and exhaling a soft sigh.

"Come back to bed," Addison urged, her chin resting on Callie's shoulder as she tightened her grip on her waist.

"I'm sorry," Callie replied, turning in her arms. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Her breath caught as she looked at Addison; her red hair was tousled from sleep, her eyes half-hooded, her face creased with lines from the sheets. And yet, at that moment, she had never looked more beautiful to her. The fact that she could be so unguarded, so unselfconscious, so _natural_ around her, was one of the greatest joys she had discovered these past few months.

"You didn't wake me," Addison assured her, eyes twinkling. "I was cold without you."

"Sorry," Callie said again. "I just couldn't sleep. I-"

She hesitated and Addison saw an uncharacteristic reticence in her expression.

"What is it, Callie?"

Callie's voice took on a wistful quality. "I was watching you sleep." She let her hand push back a strand of hair that was covering Addison's face, tucking it neatly behind the shell of her ear and smiling whilst she admired her features. "You looked so peaceful, so beautiful, and I realized that..."

A quirk of Addison's eyebrows made her stumble over her words, before she pressed on impulsively, "I can't do this anymore." She shrugged her shoulders: the movement was jerky and unnatural, and she looked small, so small—almost as if she was about to break. She took a deep, shaky breath, before saying, "I'm sorry. I just—can't."

The momentary look of hurt that crossed Addison's face made her immediately regret saying the words out loud, but she had to protect herself.

Addison was the one who had set the ground rules: all she wanted was a warm body in her bed at night, to help her forget about the heartbreak that was her failed marriage.

It was just sex.

That was all it was ever meant to be.

From the moment Callie and Addison met, the sexual tension between them had been unbearably electrifying and although Callie had sworn she would never sleep with anyone from the hospital again - _especially a new colleague who claimed they were straight_ - she simply couldn't help herself.

They had an appetite for each other which only seemed to whittle with each new experience: both constantly wanting more. At first, she couldn't decide if their attraction was purely physical or whether their relationship was more than sexual. She didn't allow herself to think too deeply about it. Addison was straight, so it was meaningless to them both.

However, with time, she found that the conversation flowed seamlessly between them, that her hand fitted comfortably in Addison's and that she loved the scent she left on her pillow, which made her smile and blush even when she wasn't around.

Somewhere along the way, they had crossed a line, meaningless nights of sex turning into nights spent together on the couch; eating dinner or drinking wine, getting to know one another better.

Slowly, but surely, Callie had developed feelings for Addison and before she knew what had hit her, she found herself wanting more than what they were: which was, extremely good friends with even better benefits.

Looking back, it was easy to pinpoint the moment when things had started to change. It was when Addison asked her to stay the night for the first time.

It terrified her.

She should have said no then, but something about the look on Addison's face made it impossible. It was like she knew that Callie needed it too - _the comfort_ - and despite knowing that there are lines in the sand which shouldn't be crossed, she climbed back into the bed, sliding in under the sheet Addison had lifted open for her.

Addison's breath hitched when she felt Callie's body pressed against her own, but after a moment of physical awkwardness, the tension released and she felt nothing but warmth settle over her heart. When they had finally settled against each other, she reached behind her to take Callie's hand, laying it over her stomach. She let her hand come to rest on top of Callie's and smiled to herself, whispering, "Goodnight, Callie."

That was the first night they fell asleep in each other's arms and ever since then it had become routine for Callie to stay the night.

Addison swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, her hands falling from Callie's waist and dangling loosely by her sides.

She tried her best to ignore the unbearable ache she felt in her chest, as if her heart was bruised and damaged. She was surprised that one sentence could cause so much pain.

The room filled with tension; the air between them thick.

They stood, staring at each other, neither of them attempting to open their mouth to start a conversation.

It was awkward.

Callie had no idea what to say. It wasn't like they were breaking up - yet, in a weird way - it sort of felt like they were.

Clearing her throat, she continued, "I just think, maybe we should, you know, just be friends. Without all the, uh-" she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence when Addison was looking at her like that.

"Sex?" Addison offered.

"Yeah," Callie nodded, "Sex."

Addison hesitated, biting her lip nervously. She didn't want this to end. She was happy with things the way they were, but if Callie really wanted to end things then there was nothing she could do to stop her. "Is that what you really want?" she asked, not entirely sure she wanted to know the answer. The question had slipped out of her mouth before she had time to process her thoughts.

They looked at each other again, the air still awkward.

_'No,'_ Callie thought to herself. _'I want you.'_

She sighed, contemplating her next move.

Addison shook her head, mistaking her silence as confirmation that it was indeed what she wanted. "You don't have to say anything, Callie. We can be friends. Just friends—that's— it's fine, really." She forced a smile onto her face.

"I want you," Callie blurted out.

Addison's smile receded, her lips pulling into something wan and sad. Callie stood for a moment, shocked that she had said it out loud, and to Addison's face no less.

A smile grew on her face as she stepped towards Addison, knowing it was now or never. She was taking a huge chance and risking their friendship, but she knew that she had to express how she was feeling whilst she was this confident.

"I like you," she started. "A lot."

Addison felt her stomach flip at Callie's declaration and her heart began to race; hammering against her chest and drumming in her ears.

_Silence..._

Callie felt her breath catch in her throat, but she tried to suppress what she was feeling, which was uneasy, due to Addison's lack of reaction or response. She couldn't make Addison care. She couldn't make someone else do anything they didn't want to do. But it hurt. She felt something like an ache throughout her entire body as Addison dropped her gaze to the floor, unable to look her in the eye anymore.

_This was a huge mistake._

Panic set in.

Addison was straight and she wasn't ready for any kind of commitment - _male or female_ - not when her marriage of eleven years had just ended.

"Forget it," Callie resigned, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have said anything, sorry. I just- I should, uh, probably go. I'm sorry."

Addison knew that now was not the time to be at a loss for words, but her head was a mess and she didn't know what to say. She was straight and in the middle of a divorce, but also sleeping with a woman, who she really liked.

None of it made sense.

Callie leaned over, reaching for the door handle but Addison stood in front of it, frozen on the spot. Their shoulders were almost brushing and Addison turned her head; blue eyes seeking out brown.

"Callie..." she whispered.

Callie froze, hand on the door knob. Their lips were an inch apart and their breaths mingled between them. Overcome with emotion, she stepped forward to press her lips to Addison's, feeling them part beneath her kiss in an equally fervent response. She whimpered when Addison's tongue slipped into her mouth and a pale hand reached up to forcefully grab a fistful of her dark hair. Her grip on Addison tightened instinctively and she groaned at the taste of her. She clung to her—afraid that if she let go enough, Addison would slip away.

They parted when lack of oxygen in their lungs became a problem, savoring every last second of the kiss. Callie pulled back, breathless, leaning their foreheads together and closing her eyes for a moment.

When she opened them Addison was right there, her lips a hair's breadth away from her own. For a moment they breathed the same air, just looking into each other's eyes. She noted that Addison's eyes had darkened several shades, which sent another thrill of desire through her. Addison began to lean forward again, but this time, Callie held her back gently, pulling away a little.

She didn't want to be Addison's dirty little secret anymore.

They were past that in her eyes.

"I know you're hurt and scared right now," Callie began, understanding. "But sometimes another person can come along and suddenly you're not as broken. It's like a jigsaw, their bumps and dents fit yours. They make you feel whole – fixed. You make me feel like that, Addison."

Callie couldn't help but smile as she continued.

"When I'm with you it feels like nothing else matters. I forget everything else because all of my senses, every part of me is consumed by you. I can't think straight. I can't eat or sleep or breathe because you make me feel things I've never felt before, and it's exciting, but terrifying, because a part of me knows that you might not feel the same. I can't carry on like this, because if this is all one sided, then I know that I'm going to get hurt. You might be damaged, but I am too. And I need you, Addison. Can't you see that?"

Addison wanted to tell Callie how she felt, but something held her back from saying anything; fear, probably.

Callie started to walk towards the door, brushing past Addison as she pushed the handle down. Addison raised an arm in an attempt to prevent her from leaving, but it was too late, the door slammed shut, leaving a speechless and emotional redhead behind.

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**Thanks for reading!**


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